The advantages of being depressed
As I lie here in my pajamas with my dog on my lap and my notebook sitting next to a half-empty glass of wine, it occurred to me that people don’t look at the positives of clinical depression. Sure, we all know what the downsides are. Your friends keep asking what’s wrong and won’t take “I’m fine” for an answer, just because it’s obvious you’re lying. You quit going to work, get fired, get evicted from your house, and end up living under a bridge while eating road kill over a campfire. You know, that kind of thing. What most people don’t realize is that there are benefits to depression as well.
5. You have more free time. One of the most frequent complaints I hear from people is that there “just isn’t enough time in the day.” That’s not the case when you’re depressed. When you spend all your time at home, lying in bed or catching up on the shows on your DVR, you have nothing but free time. Since you don’t do anything all day, you have plenty of free time to do anything you want to do, which is more nothing.
4. You save money. When you’re depressed, you lose interest in the activities that you used to enjoy. That’s great news, because let’s face it, a lot of those activities cost money. I’m poor and don’t really have room in my budget for “doing things,” with it all being spent on items such as “providing electricity” or “providing a roof that keeps the rain off of my head.” Even if I’m not doing something that requires me to buy tickets or pay a check, if I go out at a minimum I’m spending money on gas. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling while I relive every mistake I’ve made over the last couple months doesn’t cost me a dime, so I can afford to do it all day every day if I want.
3. You lose weight. It seems that lying in bed all day doing nothing doesn’t really work up an appetite. When you’re depressed, you tend to skip meals and when you do eat, you eat smaller portions. Less eating also means less money spent on groceries — or at least it would if spending on alcohol didn’t skyrocket.
2. You become more self-aware. A lot of happy people go around without really knowing much about themselves, their strengths and weaknesses and such. Depressed people are more self-aware because of the time spent on introspection, or what I like to call “dwelling on each and every little thing I despise about myself.” A depressed person is their own worst critic, and it is an honest, critical self-analysis that leads to a real growth of character, or at least it would if not for the crippling paralysis of self-doubt… You know what? I don’t even think I made a good point here. This paragraph sucked. I’m sorry for wasting your time and making you read it.
1. There isn’t actually a #1. Yeah, I know that makes this a terrible Top 5 list. But come on, did you even think there would be four advantages of depression? I know you hate me for doing that and I guess I deserve it, but give me a break. I’m writing this drunk you know what drinking did to Hemingway’s writing! So thanks for reading. Also, sorry you read this. Don’t worry, though. I’m fine.
Your Song of the Day: “Down” by Gwyneth & Monko
For more glass-half full reading, check out my post about how haunted houses are misunderstood.